Source: We Need a Self-Confrontation.
From Death To Life: Ephesians 2 verse 8-9 For it is by Gods grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but Gods gift so that no one can boast about it. I started to go to friendship house for the meal and clothing and to talk to someone . I was love-sick mentally sick ,physically sick to the point of where I tried 3 different times over 10 years to take my life . Still I turned away from God. I knew then that I would never know peace or love and Satan knew that. My fear and mental state consumed me to the point of who cares. I lashed out at family friends and anyone who showed an interest in me I kept a wall around my self. I was a taker a destroyer of love kindness and anything good I would crush them with words. I caused a lot of pain and for that Satan kept coming for me why because I did terrible things and hurt Gods people. I never knew that decision would start a chain of events in my life that would change my heart you see I had a tough child hood I never really knew love or ever felt love I was told by my mom that she loved me but the compassion wasn’t there the unconditional love never felt that either. I think that is the reason for me for pushing a way from love. Both parent never really took an interest in me not through school not through sports. Sometimes parent have more wants than needs and so that how that goes . Parents end up making their whole life about money and things and leaving something for the children . I would have loved to have had a relationship of love with both parents and for them to take interest in me . I was broken after many years of failed relation and the world was coming down along with the wall that Satan helped me build. I stared to feel a bit better about my self and the wall starred to come down brick by brick . Satan attacked me with more illness and with more thoughts of poor me. One morning I got a letter stating that my O,D,S,P was going to be suspended because they felt I was ready to return to work. I stared to cry and wanted to just go out and end it all I was sick and I was tired. I went to friendship house for breakfast I was some what safe. Tony said to me a few months back if you need any thing or help just ask. I knew Tony from talking with him and Tony told me he was part of the church body of the Redemption church. So I felt safe talking to Tony I was a mess and I said to Tony I am sick and I am tired I was crying I said I don’t want any of this I am sick of all of this I need help Tony. Tony said let’s get Pastor Steve here so we can pray over you I said great through my tears and fears they did that they showed me compassion and I opened up a bit and told them about my illness and about the O,D,S,P letter they showed me through the holy spirit how much god loved me and I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart and I did. I stared to go to church I also stared to go to bible study I met a few people some I felt safe with and some I wasn’t sure. Church is great I looked forward to Sunday service and the messages Pastor Stephen was teaching started to hit home I had very little faith and I wanted faith but never knew how to obtain it . I searched for the answer for a while I thought it was in me I had to be faithful but to what or to who the church to the people so I dug deeper and stared to study the bible and read scripture about faith where it comes from.. From Death To Life: Ephesians 2 verse 8-9 For it is by Gods grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but Gods gift so that no one can boast about it. I wanted more and continued on reading the bible searching out faith in Gods word.